This is an idea I've had rattling round for ages, and I'm not certain this does it justice. Basically, there are two girls in America who are different people, but joined at the hip, literally. What they do is spectacular, driving cars fluidly, that sort of thing. Amazing.
But is it a threesome if they have sex? They've only got one set of sex organs, y'know? What if one's a lesbian? Are they bisexual by default? Is masturbation lesbian sex?
So here's my version; not about them, because they're real people, but about two boys with the same issues...
013 - Misfortune
“Mum, Dad… I’m gay.”
I stared at my darling twin boys, grown up now, and my heart went out to them. It was Matt, of course, who’d just shocked us all into silence. He was always so dramatic.
“As long as you’re happy, my dear,” I started, but Brian cut me off.
“Wait, what? What are you doing to us, bro? I mean, it’s not like your choices affect just you, y’know?”
Matt sighed. “I’m sorry, but that’s just how I feel-“
“Never mind how you feel! What about how I feel?”
Uh oh, I thought to myself; Brian’s got that look. He was always the more prone to lashing out; he was on the right. Report cards through the years, filled with things like that. Silly me, though, the boys are eighteen and grown up.
“What about that girl, Sandra? We shared her, and-“
“Your mother and I don’t need to know this, Brian.” Thank goodness; I was beginning to worry about whether they’d got started down that particular road. Jeremy was right to interrupt, but a tiny part of me wanted to know what they got up to.
“Dad, it’s… he’s being…”
“I’m being honest, Brian. Sorry if that offends you.”
“Now, boys, surely there’s a way to work this out. I mean, you share a room, and all sorts of other things…” I began. Looking back, that sounded quite lame, a very motherish sort of thing to say, but it was all I could think of at the time.
“Have you looked at us lately, mum?” Brian was shouting again, gesturing wildly at him and his brother. “It’s not exactly…” His voice trailed off.
I stood up and went over to them, then hugged them both to me. When they pulled away, there were tears in Matt’s eyes. I’d rather hoped we could get through this without tears, but almost immediately I could feel myself swallowing the lump in my throat.
Then Jeremy came and put his arm around me. Damnit.
“Boys, it’s important that you know that your father and I love you very much. No matter what life choices you make, you’ll always be our boys. I know that it will be difficult for you, but perhaps you can alternate?” My voice only cracked a little bit in the middle, but I could feel my eyes beginning to water, to get hot and fill up.
Jeremy squeezed my shoulder. I desperately wanted him to back me up, to come up with some sort of solution for this, but he didn’t seem to be listening to the slight desperation in my voice. I looked up at him, but he was staring off into the middle distance, evidently seeing something else in his mind. Probably trying to work out a physical way round what I’d just suggested.
Matt had been quiet since Brian’s little tantrum, and he spoke quietly now. “I don’t want to cause anyone any harm. I’m sure there’s a way we can work this out.” He looked at his brother, turning his head awkwardly. “I mean, there’s never been a situation like this before, right? We’re unique.”
“Brian,” I said, “Stop pouting and listen to your brother. I mean, it’s something that was going to come up eventually. No-one’s going to be forced to do anything they don’t want to do, and it’s only through talking that you can find a way around this.”
Jeremy hugged them, then, and I could see Brian’s bottom lip quivering. Oh god, he was going to cry too. I swept into the hug, and we held each other tightly. I couldn’t help wondering, though, how my boys, my precious conjoined twins, were going to get round the misfortune of only having one anus.